Bobby Jindal has decided that the best way to position Lousiana is as The New Kansas, calculating that there’s always a place for at least one state in the union that teaches its school children the earth is 7,000 years old.
Personal political calculations cannot be totally discounted. “We think that there is a lot of room on the political landscape for a decidely retrograde, Indian/Coon Ass Catholic evolutionist,” said a Jindal spokesgirl. ”
In taking a congratulatory cell phone call from God, Gov. Jindal earnestly requested that, in return for stepping into Kansas’ shoes as the laughing-stock of the nation, Louisana trade hurricanes to Kansas in return for tornadoes and a millennial pestilence. “It’s a win-win,” said the spokesgirl. “We both have water problems. And by 3000, the bug problem won’t be—well, who fucking cares. We’ll all be raptured by then, anyway.”
“And yes, the Governor knows what a split infinitive is.”
God’s spokespirits were unavailable at press time, citing Wimbledon coverage.
In signing the bill, Jindal issued a brief statement that read in part: “I will continue to consistently support the ability of school boards and BESE to make the best decisions to ensure a quality education for our children.”